


Your voice in my ear makes me feel so alone

by Rallie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:45:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rallie/pseuds/Rallie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a short one shot, in which Dan and Phil come to the end of their relationship. Dan's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your voice in my ear makes me feel so alone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure if I'm completely satisfied with this but I'll post it anyway.  
> Also, I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my native language, although that's not an exuse.

I woke up because of the sunlight that shone through the curtain in my room. I sighed and looked at the clock on my night stand. 08:37. Still half-asleep I touched the other part of my bed. Empty. I opened my eyes and realised I’m alone in my room. _Maybe Phil is making breakfast. Maybe he’s gone to the supermarket. Maybe he’s watching TV._

But I knew too better that it’s none of these things.

I slowly got up of the bed and shivered when my bare feet touched the cold floor. I headed to the bathroom to take a shower when my eyes caught something.

_Dan, don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. I left my phone, because I need some time away from everyone._

I don’t know if it is normal to feel flattered because of a note left by your boyfriend for years, in which he explains that he’s taking a ‘break’ for a couple of days. The truth is Phil doesn’t make the effort to give me a reason when he makes such ‘trips’, leaving me wondering if this time he’s gone forever. Maybe that’s why I’m glad this time I have at least something I can hold on to, while I’m waiting for him to come back.

I considered the opportunity to dress up and go out, maybe meet with a friend and talk to him. I haven’t done this for so long, I had the feeling I had forgotten what it feels like. These months I have been so busy with Phil and his, my and our problems. I didn’t even have time to think about my family, nor my friends. Work, unfinished projects, mental breakdowns and panic attacks. Sleepless nights, filled with crying and wrath, and unsaid words. Shattered glasses and broken trust.

Who can guess my life would turn out this way? Definitely not me.

When I took my phone out of the cabinet, which I put it in after one particular night when I was too afraid of myself and the things I could send holding a glass of wine in my hand, I turn it on and became dazed.

_67 missed calls and 139 new messages_

I’m not surprised, I knew what I put my family though. They were always over-protective and they must be sick worried about me since I haven’t called them for 5 months. I also knew my friends weren’t at ease because of me always turning them down whenever they ask me to go out.

 _I wish things were in a different way._ In the previous way. I wish I was crazy in love with Phil and he was in me as well. I wish we could laugh and watch animes at the evenings, and eat popcorn, and have tickling fights, and I wish we still needed each other. I wish I couldn’t feel how he’s slowly going away from me.

But of course, things couldn’t stay the same. Everything changes, everyone does it and that’s not something I discover just now. I just always believed that me and Phil wouldn’t take things this far. That we would always like the company of the other.

But I was wrong. And that’s exactly why I pack my clothes in the suitcase I used when we went to Japan last year. _Maybe I shouldn’t leave. Maybe I should wait for him and talk it out. To make things work out._

But the truth is, I don’t want to work out anything. I’m tired of always trying to get to him. Yes, I’m a coward and I choose the easier way. But I couldn’t care less, because ** _I’m tired._** Phil’s not the only one who deserves a break, I’m also in this relationship. But I know my break won’t be a ‘break’. I’m leaving Phil. Phil - the boy I fell hopelessly in love with, without a pint of thought behind, without a doubt, just like it should be.

And if I say this doesn’t break my heart, I would be the biggest liar in the world. But even if I think about staying, continuing living my life this way, I’m sure I’ll go mad. I’ll just lose my fucking mind.

I’m sorry things turned out this way.

I’m sorry we couldn’t make it.

_I wish things were in a different way._

When I got to the door, I still couldn’t believe I’m actually doing it. Suddenly, Phil came in the apartment and put his keys on the table. He was wearing black skinny jeans and light blue shirt. _This is the last time I’m seeing him._

Feeling my presence, Phil turned and saw me. His eyes traveled to the suitcase which I was holding and then back to my face.

He knew me. He knew what I was doing, I could see it in his eyes. He also knew, I didn’t want to do it and that it’s his fault we’re even in this place of our relationship.

I knew he was just as sorry this was happening as me.

_\- Dan?_

We kept eye contact for a few minutes before he opened his arms, making me want to run to him.

That’s exactly what I did.

His strong arms embraced me and we stayed like that. Just us. All of our mistakes and romantic gestures, kisses, nights, arguments, memories were around us, between these four walls. They were making our breakup almost unbearable. _Almost._

 _\- I’m sorry we have to do this_ \- he whispered in my hair.

_\- Me too._

And in this moment I realised which, of all things that has changed, shocked me the most.

His voice didn’t calm me down anymore. It just made me feel alone.


End file.
